Reflections: Following you is not the same as Running away

I ran from the world. I ran because I thought running away from the world means I'm running towards God. I ran because I thought if I stayed as far away from the world as possible, I'm doing God's will. I ran and ran and ran until my legs tired out. I ran and ran and ran until my legs bled out. The world caught up to me, whispered in my ear. I was afraid, I was really afraid; it was then that I realized that I ran from the world because I was afraid of it. It was me who ran.

I could never have been more wrong! I shouldn't have ran away from the world, for running away from the world isn't necessarily the same as following the Lord. Sure, God doesn't want what the world wants, but running aimlessly away from it, avoiding it and disdaining it will not necessarily lead me to God. I would just tire myself out, which is what the world wants anyway, for it is then that the world would be able to capitalize on my fears.

I was afraid so I ran. It wasn't out of faith, it was because I was afraid. I was afraid that, if I didn't run, the world would take me again, back through the same spin cycle of pain, insecurity and doubt. Back through the same cycle of destruction. I "made it work" my way, loved others with my own human love, served others with my own human strength. In effect, I was making my own way to salvation, when all this time, it was just there, right in front of me. I was constructing an impossible road, when the path of love and true life is right there waiting for me.

Now I realize the error of my ways. Now I realize why I felt so uninspired recently; why I felt so tired and unmotivated to love and to serve. The things I used to do for God didn't feel as fun and as fulfilling anymore. Now I know why: I wasn't doing them for God, I was doing them for myself, to hide from my own fears.

Father, lead me. Lead me so I don't have to run anymore. Drive away all fears so I don't have to scamper away aimlessly. Take my hand once again, take them and give them purpose. For I only am truly happy when You provide for me. For I am only truly happy when Your love and your life pervades and permeates mine. For I am only truly happy when I am connected to You.

I'm still a bit afraid, the world is a scary place. Sin still frigthens me; I don't want to walk the path of my own destruction anymore, and I'm afraid of taking the wrong step. But I know that I shouldn't be. For what is there to be afraid of, when you are protected and loved by the strongest, most powerful force of all. Love drives away all fears (1 John 4:18), what is there to be afraid of if you are loved by Love Himself.

Amen!